Friday, March 18, 2011

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This...

I have this song in my head as I trudge through Friday afternoon. Today marks exactly one month since my last ultrasound. The ultrasound where they told me Dustin's heart had stopped beating. Exactly four weeks ago today I was curled up in a little ball thinking I couldn't go on, there was no way I could handle this heartbreak for a second time. But, here I am. Alive and well and working. I have to go on. I need to think that there will be better days ahead of me and the sun will shine in my life again. I need to keep a positive attitude and believe that one day God will bless us with a baby. We will pick ourselves up and we will try again. How many times we will try is a whole other topic. I guess we will just have to face that bridge when we cross it. I am just taking each day as it comes and hopefully each day will bring me a little closer to healing. I will survive!
Moving on to other things... I called PIPC today to see if they had contacted the specialist in Toronto yet to schedule me an appointment. I was hoping they had and my phone had just been acting up so I didn't get the message. High hopes I guess. It's on my file as a "to do" but they haven't done it yet. Blah. So maybe next week. Next week I have to go and get my hcg levels checked to see if they are down to less than 5. I am so hoping that they will be. I don't know how many times I can get blood drawn. I'm pretty sure I can still see all four marks on my arms from my IVs (and them trying to get my IVs in). I hate needles and the farther I can stay away from them the better. My Dr. was also hoping to see if the specialist required any blood tests before I started the pill but if she hasn't even made the appointment yet... I probably won't get that done. If my body cooperates on the same schedule as last time, I should be getting my period next Thursday. And I'm supposed to start the pill on the first day of my period. What are the chances that she will call the doctor, get an appointment made, and bloodwork paperwork done before Thursday? Slim to none I think. Oh well. That's life I guess.

On days like today, I wish I lived closer to my family. I would love to hang out with my wonderful understanding sisters who know that I am hurting and what I'm going through sucks. I would love to get a hug from my big strong brother. I would love to hear my dad say "I love you" in his sweet voice that is so familiar and comforting to me. And I would love to climb up in the rocking chair like when I was little and curl up in my moms arms.

... There'd Be Days Like This Mama Said.

No comments:

Post a Comment