The weather is much more suiting to my mood than yesterday. Yesterday was happy and warm and full of sunshine but I felt like I was dying inside. Today it's dark and gloomy and rainy and is more fitting to my mood today.
I guess a part of me is sort of happy that I'm not that same person I was. Maybe I will be more caring and sensitive now. Maybe I won't say hurtful comments to people who are going through what I have been and never realize it. Maybe now I can be a comfort to others who go through this gut wrenching pain and hurt and confusion. I will never be able to answer the one question that they all ask though. Why? Why did this happen? Why did my baby's heart stop beating? Why me? No one will be able to answer those tough questions but hopefully I will be able to hurt right along with them and help them with their pain.
Maybe I'm not dead inside but just sleeping. Maybe it's self preservation, my way of coping with everything. Maybe I will come back to life slowly, with each passing day. I know that I will never be the same person I was last June but hopefully I won't stay the person that I am right now. In the end, I hope to come out stronger. Because as a wise sister of mine told me once, women are strong. Unbelievably strong.