Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Another Miserable Post

I thought that if you don't feel like reading another rant and complaining session from me, you could tell from the title that you should skip over it. I'm in such a flippin' bad mood today, again. I hate my job. I really do. I know that I need to stick with it at least until Dan is back to work and we are used to paying our monthly expenses but I just don't want to anymore. I have to keep reminding myself that I should appreciate this job and the money it pays and how helpful it is to us. But it usually doesn't work. I just want to run away from it. I want to stay at home and be grumpy. And then get stuff done. I'm sick of having to work all day and then go home and have to do all the housework. I can't stay on top of it. I'm not superwoman like other people. Some people thrive off of working, for me it just sucks everything out of me.

I don't know how to deal with this all. I know that I need to just suck it up and go on. Sometimes in life you have to do things you don't want to and this is one of those times. But I don't know how. I feel like each new day just brings me lower. I get more and more discouraged with the passing weeks. My job just seems to loom into eternity, never ending. And I hate it. I hate hate hate hate it. I feel like I'm suffocating here. But I don't know how to make it better.

My counselling went okay. I cried for the entire hour and told her all about Casey, Jaimie, and Dustin. I left feeling a little refreshed. But I don't think I'll go back. I felt like she was a little strange and I'm not sure how comfortable I feel with her. Also, I feel like it's a waste of money to go in and tell someone else my problems and then have her tell me stuff I already know. I know that I am dealing with intense grief and I know that time will heal and I know that I am doing the right thing by acknowledging they existed. I am doing all the right stuff. If I need to get these feelings out then I can blog about them or journal. I don't think I'm harbouring it all. I don't know. Maybe I'm just grumpy today and not thinking straight. But for today, I think counselling is a waste of time.

Maybe tomorrow will be better. I hate that it is only Tuesday morning. I still have 4 more days to suffer through. All I want to do is go cry in the bathroom.

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