Thursday, June 2, 2011

I DON'T WANT TO WORK!

I am in a miserable mood today. This whole yo-yo of emotions is really getting to me. I have a good day, then a bad day, then a good day, then a bad day. It's crazy. I hate being like this. But today I feel like absolute crap. All I want to do is crumple up in a little ball and cry. I hate work, I hate coming to work, I hate sitting at work, I hate it all. I just want to quit. I've almost put in two years, isn't that enough? Why do I need to stay here forever? I want to get away. All I've ever wanted to do was not work here forever. That's what I always say. It's not a lifetime career, it's just for now. Well I want now to be over. OVER! No more of this pouting and dreading each day and putting a fake smile on and pretending like I enjoy my job. I'm sick of being nice to people. I just want to stay at home. FRIG!

3 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I can totally relate. I teach at a really rough school and in all honesty I hate it. If it weren't for summers off I wouldn't be able to do it. I already plan on quitting for good in December.

    I've been right where you are. Literally crying to my husband to just let me quit, that I hate it, and I can't take it anymore. For one its a sign of depression...are you getting any help? For me talking to someone and getting on meds made everything more bearable, including work. I still don't enjoy it but I'm not a wreck all the time anymore.

    The thing is that I wasn't supposed to teach at all this past year. I was supposed to have been home taking care of our first baby who was due in August. So it was just this constant reminder that our baby was gone because I was still there when I "shouldn't" have been. Then we got pregnant and I was supposed to quit teaching in March when that baby was due and I felt a bit better about it because again I could see the end in sight. But then just days before our first baby's due date we lost our second baby. I wasn't supposed to be there all year...I wasn't supposed to be there at all. I'm sure you are feeling the same way. That this just wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

    Sit down with your husband. Let him know just how miserable you are at your job. Look over finances and see if you can afford to quit and look for something else that you think you will enjoy...even if it means a pay cut (assuming you can). We made a budget and made plans to get things paid off before December... assuming we can stick to it then I will be able to quit and find something I actually like no matter the pay....until I can finally be a SAHM.

    Just knowing we are working towards all of that really helps. To be able to see the end in sight...

    I'm sorry you are still dealing with so much. And I'm still praying it gets easier for you soon! (((Hugs)))

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  2. Thank you Katherine. I'm glad that there are other people out there who understand. And I agree, the hardest part is that I'm not supposed to be here. I should be home with two babies. I think that we might sit down and try and budget more to see if I can quit my job. The more I work, the more I hate it. And yes, I am meeting with a counsellor tonight. I decided it was finally time for some help. We'll see how it goes.

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  3. I'm so sorry you are so frustrated with your job! I completely get how hard getting up and going to work can be, especially when you factor in the stress of two losses :(. I myself have had two losses and I'm just struggling to find some clarity.

    You can learn more about me here:
    http://somesortafairytale.blogspot.com

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