Thursday, October 13, 2011

Down in the dumps

I'm feeling down today. I saw yet another pregnancy announcement on Facebook this morning and it felt like yet another punch in the gut. I seriously feel like everyone else is pregnant but me. I'm the only one left who seems incapable of reproducing. I feel like it comes so easily to everyone else. They try to get pregnant, they get pregnant, they post an ultrasound picture on facebook, and then voila, 9 months later out pops a healthy baby! I know this isn't true and for all I know they could have experienced a miscarriage before this and also that things still go wrong past the 1st trimester. But, I just feel like everyone else can do it better. And that I'm left behind in the dust, watching everyone with their cute little babies go on into the next step of life while I wait back here. I know I know, I'm being dramatic. I'm young and I still have plenty of time to try for more babies. And chances are, we'll succeed. But today I feel like crap and I will complain and vent and be selfish and pitiful all I want. I started this blog as a place for me to come and write out my feelings. So I'm not going to apologize for what I'm writing. And please don't judge me. I know I'm not the only one going through something hard and that there are far worse things in life than seeing other people have babies. But today, for me, it feels slightly like the end of the world.

I kind of want to put "Anyone out there not pregnant?" as my Facebook status and see who else is part of my club. But then I'd have to be more specific and say "Anyone out there married but not pregnant and not have any kids?" and if I did that I would just sound mean and I would get a lot of comments back I'm sure. But I really need to feel some support. Basically every couple at our church has kids or are pregnant. There are 3 couples left. One of them just got married like a month ago so they don't really count. And the other couple have been married for 3 years but got married really young and seem kind of immature. Like they really aren't even wanting to be at the children stage yet. So really, we are loners. The loners who own a house which means we should be filling it with children. I mean come on, that's the reason why we bought a house right? Why else would you need all that space? Look at that extra room that could be so easily transformed into a nursery? Hint hint. If only those people knew what I was really thinking about them when they make those comments. But they don't and I will never say them. And life will go on.


Boo for today's dreary weather and down-in-the-dumps kind of feeling. At least I got paid today.

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