And I need to learn to accept that. No matter how many times I tell myself this and I know it's true, I still kind of hold out hope that it will be one day. That maybe I was wrong in my assumption and that life is fair after all. But it's not. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people, and sometimes bad things happen to bad people and good things happen to good people. That's just the way it is. Maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself because I'm not pregnant when it feels like everyone else in the world is. I swear some sort of baby epidemic is going around. But I'm not pregnant. And I won't be for a while yet. And even if I do get pregnant, I might not stay pregnant. That's just the way these things work.
I'm sitting at work stuffing my face with chocolate coins. I'm feeling sorry for myself and wishing that I too could go home early like my coworker. But no, I get to sit here for another hour and a half doing absolutely nothing. It's a Friday afternoon and it's slow. So, to make up for my sad lonely deserted feelings, I'm eating chocolate. I'll probably feel sick later because of it but for now, yummy!
Why is it that it always seems other people have it easier than us? The grass is always greener on the other side. It always seems like other people have better jobs, more money, bigger houses, nicer stuff, nicer car, pregnant bellies, kids, a better relationship, prettier hair, nicer clothes. The list can go on and on and I can just keep adding to it. Why aren't I prettier? Why does my hair never cooperate? Why can't I have a designers eye? Why can't my house stay cleaner? Why me? No matter how good you have it, you always want more. I have a great life. I have a wonderful husband who loves me, a beautiful house which is ours, a cute puppy who adores me, a good paying job, a car, friends, family.... but yet I want more. I want kids. I want to be pregnant. I want a baby. I want to be a mom. I want the greener grass.