Tuesday, November 8, 2011
November is upon us. The month of cold dark dreary days. The time change that screws up your mind and body. The month of calm before the craziness of December. It also marks 9 months since our last loss. Nine whole months. Sometimes I can't believe how fast time goes and then at other times, I feel like it drags by. I've been feeling really lonely lately. I feel like I'm the only one in this position. This point in life where I want kids so badly but due to physical and emotional reasons, we are waiting. Waiting to try again and possibly fail again. One positive thing about this waiting period is that I'm not pregnant and I don't have that chance of getting heartbroken from another loss again. At least it's sort of safe in that regard. But then it's not safe because everyone else is either pregnant or has a baby. We are the last of our friends around here. Literally, we are the only ones without kids. Who are we supposed to hang out with? I know that we can still hang out with our friends that have kids but it adds a whole new dynamic into it. We are the loners, the losers who can't have a baby. Maybe we need to make new friends. It's just so frustrating. It's been almost a year and a half since we started this road to a baby and yet we're still at the starting line. More like before the starting line, we've gone back instead of forward. We are the ones sitting at the beginning of the race watching everyone else get so far ahead, some finish, and some even come back to lap us. It's discouraging and depressing. Blah. Enough whining, I'll shut up now.