Thursday, December 22, 2011

Alone and Pain

This week sucks. There is no way around that fact. I had a huge breakdown on Saturday and spent a couple hours crying in bed. I'm just feeling so overwhelmed and discouraged with being sick. I have now been sick for 6 months. That is way too long. And I still have no idea what is wrong with me. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and I'm really going to lose it soon. I don't know what to do or how to help myself or what might make it better. I'm contemplating just stopping everything come January. No more plans or events or anything. Just me at home taking it easy. I need to stress less and just calm down. I feel so alone. Alone in this because no one knows exactly how I am feeling. Alone in the fact that all my friends are now moms. Alone alone alone alone. I know I'm not the only one going through a hard time but right now I just feel lonely.

And pain. I also have this pain in my heart. This pain that keeps reminding me that I should have a baby for this Christmas. I know it doesn't help to focus on this but I can't help it. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my babies. My precious babies that I never go to hold.

I've cried pretty much every day since Saturday and today I found this picture that pretty much summed it all up for me.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

December Already?

Wow! I can't believe that it's already a week into December. Where does the time go? I feel like it was just yesterday that we were getting excited about our house and feeling like it would be forever before we moved. Now we've been there for almost 6 months. Crazy. I love our house and I love how with each passing day, it feels more and more like home. We are pretty settled now and most things are how we want them. We still have some projects to do, such as sanding and restaining our livingroom furniture. Maybe we'll get around to that after Christmas. I'm not starting anything new before then. I already have all my DIY Christmas projects to finish up. Only 19 more days! Eek! I've got to get on that.

In January I plan on posting pics on here of my DIY Christmas gifts that I did just to show everyone how crazy I really am. They didn't seem that hard when I started them but now that I'm in the process, they seem impossible and neverending. But at least the finished product will look nice.

This time last year I was anxiously awaiting the end of our 3 month waiting period before we could TTC again. I was feeling optimistic and hopeful that we would have a baby in our arms by this Christmas. But alas, we don't. And we probably won't next Christmas either. Boo. Unhappy thought that is.

Monday, December 5, 2011

New Blog Layout

So, I've done some changes to my blog. I tried to make it more mine and hopefully you'll have a better feel of who I am. I'm still new at this whole blogging thing and I'm still trying to figure it out. I may still make some more changes and do some more tweaking as I go along but I wanted to know what you guys think of my new "look". Please, tell me what you think.