This week sucks. There is no way around that fact. I had a huge breakdown on Saturday and spent a couple hours crying in bed. I'm just feeling so overwhelmed and discouraged with being sick. I have now been sick for 6 months. That is way too long. And I still have no idea what is wrong with me. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and I'm really going to lose it soon. I don't know what to do or how to help myself or what might make it better. I'm contemplating just stopping everything come January. No more plans or events or anything. Just me at home taking it easy. I need to stress less and just calm down. I feel so alone. Alone in this because no one knows exactly how I am feeling. Alone in the fact that all my friends are now moms. Alone alone alone alone. I know I'm not the only one going through a hard time but right now I just feel lonely.
And pain. I also have this pain in my heart. This pain that keeps reminding me that I should have a baby for this Christmas. I know it doesn't help to focus on this but I can't help it. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my babies. My precious babies that I never go to hold.
I've cried pretty much every day since Saturday and today I found this picture that pretty much summed it all up for me.