Friday, January 27, 2012

All you need is love...

Love. A word that holds so much meaning. A word that I need to learn to employ in my everyday life. I'm feeling angry lately, at a lot of things and a lot of people. I need to learn to love everyone no matter what, that it shouldn't be conditional. My newest bad habit is to harbour bitter feelings toward anyone and everyone who is either pregnant or has a child. Even people I don't know. But it is definitely worse with the people I do know. I just feel like I've been robbed of so much. Why is it that everyone else seems to have easy pregnancies and get to have multiple babies and stay at home with them? All I have ever wanted to be is a mom and with each passing day I become more and more bitter that I'm not. And I look at everyone who is and a part of me turns colder. Pregnancy announcements hurt. I don't want to be bitter for the rest of my life, I don't want to pick and choose my friends depending on the status of their uterus, I don't want to be that girl that everyone whispers about, I want to be normal again. I want to be me. I want to be happy with my life and where I am and not compare it to where I thought I would be. I want to live for today and not wish for tomorrow.

Now if only I knew how to do that....

2 comments:

  1. I love you. I just wanted you to know that. I read your blog regularly and am glad you are continuing to write it. I'm praying that your heart heals and that you feel happy again.

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  2. Thank you. I definitely need the prayers. I just don't even know where to begin, how to feel whole again.

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