Thursday, February 2, 2012

A month of memories

February is a month full of memories for me, some good, some bad. Let's start with the good. It was in February 2011 that I got to see our precious baby's heartbeat for the first time. We got to tell my family about Dustin and bask in the happiness of that announcement for a couple of days. Dan bought flowers for me and the baby on Valentine's day and made me a nice meal. Those are happy memories but bittersweet at the same time.

It was also in that same month that I started bleeding a ridiculous amount and spent the day in the ER. I passed out, got poked 10 times with needles and was told that our baby might not make it. I saw Dustin's heart beat for the last time and I had to go through the heart break of hearing "I can't find a heartbeat" yet again. I had to tell my family that we had lost another baby. I had to have another D&C. And I had to learn to cope with each passing day.

I can't believe that it's almost been a year since we said goodbye to Dustin. A whole year. Some days it feels like it's been forever and I can barely remember what it felt like to be pregnant but then other days it feels like just yesterday that we were in that ultrasound room getting the bad news.

But I'm going to try and make this month a good one. I'm going to try and have a positive attitude and take each day as it comes. I will concur this!

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