Saturday, February 25, 2012
I've been sighing a lot lately and I don't know why. Maybe something is going on in my heart/head that I'm unaware of, some hidden grief. I don't know. All I know is that I sigh and then Dan asks what's wrong and I realize that I didn't even know I had sighed. I'm just feeling down lately. I can't quite explain it and I can't quite pinpoint the root of it but I'm just discouraged. I'm discouraged that I've been sick for 8 months and I'm discouraged that I'm still working at my job I hate and I'm discouraged that we are still TTA and will be for a while yet and I'm discouraged that my life isn't going like I had planned. And then I hate myself for feeling so discouraged and grumpy when really I should be appreciating what I do have. I have a great house and a great paying job and we're able to put aside money and save up for stuff and I have good friends and a good husband. I just can't seem to focus on all the good. The bad just swallows it up. I just think about all the bad things and all the things I don't have and I get discouraged. I'm at a point where I don't even know what would make me feel better, if anything. I just don't know what to do. I'm at a loss and I'm discouraged. Blah. What a crappy night this is. More like what a crappy week/month/year this is.