Monday, March 12, 2012

What would make me happy?

Today my therapist asked me what would make me happy. And I said I don't know. Because really, I'm at the point that I don't know what would make me happy. I keep thinking that if I felt better I would be happier, if I quit my job and got to be a stay at home wife I would be happier, if I got pregnant and stayed pregnant I would be happier. But would I? Would I actually be happier if I accomplished all these things? Or is there something deeper going on, something that can't be "fixed" with a change of situation. I don't know. I honestly don't know. All I know is that right now, in my current situation, I'm not happy. I'm almost down right miserable.

I talked to my boss about going part time. I'm not sure how it went. I started crying so she wanted to know why and then we talked about how I wasn't happy and I was really struggling with a lot of things and I didn't think work was helping. I told her that I just wanted to be a stay at home wife and working was never a part of my dream. I told her that I was so sick of being sick. I don't know how she felt about it all but she was nice and understanding and suggested maybe taking sick leave instead of going part time. But she also did say that she would think about it and we would talk again once she got back from her vacation. I figured it would have to wait until then. So, here we are just waiting again. And I'm happily researching sick leave...

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