Monday, March 5, 2012


I'm not sure how I feel about my job lately. I guess it's mixed emotions. In my head I know that it's a great job and I am lucky to have it but in my heart, I know it's not for me. With each passing day I like it less and less. There are great things about it, like the hours, the pay, the location, the office, the coworkers, the benefits, etc but the job itself is slowly sucking the life out of me. It's boring. Oh so boring and I hate it. I hate sitting here for 7 hours a day with barely enough to do to fill one hour. I hate that my mind has way too much time to think and focus on all the things I don't have. I hate that I'm still here because I'm supposed to be at home with one year old twins. It sucks and I don't know what to do about it.

I want to quit but we need to prepare for that. And then I feel guilty because it's such a "good" job and I should appreciate that more. The plan is to quit, according to our great "plan". But there will be added stress if I do, especially on Dan. I just feel like it's not a healthy job for me at all. I'm slowly losing my mind and I didn't have much of one to begin with. Maybe I should talk to my boss about cutting back my hours to part time. Maybe I'll be busier that way since I'll be in the office less each week. I'd still get paid but also have some freedom and flexibility. I don't know, maybe that wouldn't help. Maybe I should try finding another job.

I just feel so lost and disoriented lately. And I feel like total crap too. This sickness is taking the life out of me. I'm so discouraged and confused and unhappy. I don't know what to do to fix this, to help me feel better, to lift up my spirits. I just don't know what to do.

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