I then had to pull myself together enough to get up and angrily yank my prenatal vitamins and pregnancy books out of my suitcase before packing everything up and heading to the hotel. Our flight was early the next morning so we were staying in a hotel close to the airport. I remember crying some more in the car and then more crazy sobbing once at the hotel. I had no appetite and we ended up throwing away half a berry pie that we had brought along. It was one of the hardest days of my life.
To those of my readers who know what this feels like, I am so sorry. I hate that anyone has to go through this and know the pain of losing a child. I understand and I am sending each and every one of you a hug. And to those of my readers who have never known this pain, be kind those people you know who have. Never tell them that it was early or that something was wrong with the baby or that they can have more babies. Never tell them that they should be over it by now. It has been two years since I lost my first two precious babies and not a day goes by that I don't think of them and think of what should have been. It still hurts and I will never ever be over them. They changed my life and will forever have a special place in my heart.
I love you Casey and Jaimie. Thank you for making me a mother and teaching me how strong a love you can have for someone you didn't know for long and never got the chance to meet.