Since this is my blog about life and loss is a part of life, today I'm blogging about loss.
We are currently going through our third miscarriage. I can't believe that I am even typing this, as I never really thought it would happen again.
We found out on Wednesday, when we went in for our 9 week ultrasound. We had seen a healthy heartbeat two weeks prior but on Wednesday, there wasn't one anymore. Again. This is an all too familiar road for us.
I had my D&C on Thursday, since my body once again didn't recognize the baby had died.
I don't think it's entirely sunk in yet and I'm still in the numb stage. I know that it will hit though and I know it will hit hard. It always does.
We named our baby Daylin and I wrote up a page on Daylin's story, if you want to read more.
I'm being open about this loss because I have been open about my other losses. My babies are loved and they existed and I want others to know. Miscarriages happen and I want to help make it less of a taboo subject. Obviously, sharing about your loss is a very personal choice and I don't judge those who choose to keep it private. In fact, I was tempted to not tell anyone about this loss. But I want others to know that Daylin existed, even if it was only for five short weeks.
I am the proud mother of four babies, even if they aren't here with me. And I want others to know.
But I will also put a disclaimer with this post. We are still in the very raw emotional stage of this loss. When we shared about our last two, it had been a couple months and we were a little more healed. We need the love and support from others right now, we need to be upheld by family and friends, we need to be wrapped in comfort.
But we also need you to be gentle with us. We need you to be patient with us. If we distance ourselves from others, especially those who are pregnant or have babies or young children, please do not take it personally. We still love you and we're still happy for you but it hurts. It hurts to see others having something we so desperately want. It's hard to be strong when our hearts are breaking. It's hard to be brave when all we want to do is hide from the world.
Just give us time. We will always carry this hurt and pain with us but over time, it will be easier to bear. I know that. I know that because we have been through this before. And we have survived.
Also, I will do my best to continue to blog on a regular basis and keep up the variety of posts that you have become accustomed to. But if I miss a day or two, please forgive me.