This week is a hard one for me. I feel like my mood changes every few minutes (it really does, just ask Dan) and I am an emotional basket case.
I am finding this crazy shift in mood difficult to wrap my head around because I've been doing so well this summer. I've been in such a good place for a few months now and have been totally cool with where we are at in life. I've hardly cried at all and have been taking pregnancy and birth announcements without barely flinching.
I should have known it wouldn't last. I should have been prepared for the inevitable crash at the end of the high. We can't stay up forever, can we?
I wish I could blame these hormonal shifts on the progesterone I'm on. And I very well could attribute some of my pity parties and need to cry at random times to the stupid progesterone, but I know deep down that there is more to it than that.
The month of September is associated with each of our three losses.
With Casey and Jaimie, we were going to announce our pregnancy on Labour Day weekend. But instead, I was in the process of losing them during that holiday. And then ended up with a D&C on September 27th, 2010.
With Dustin, our estimated due date was September 25th, 2011. We were supposed to be having a baby just as the weather was changing to fall. But we all know that didn't happen.
With Daylin, we found out on September 25th, 2013 that there was no more heartbeat. And we had a D&C the next day.
So you see, while the progesterone is partly to blame, I'm pretty sure my downfall into emotional chaos has a lot to do with this upcoming week. It's a hard week of anniversaries.
That's basically where I'm at this week. Struggling with constant mood swings and trying to distract myself with work, volunteering and small projects around the house. I figured it had been a while since I shared on a more personal note and thought it was about time. I hope you don't mind.