Friday, December 12, 2014

Infertility Around the Holidays

Yo yo wassup blogosphere? Long time no see! For reals.

Haha, did you like my attempt at being cool? Ya, I know, I should stop now. Basically I just figured it was time to check in. Sorry that I've been so absent, but seriously, December is hard. Wednesday marked the one year anniversary of my Dad's death and the week leading up to it was pretty emotional. Crying my eyes out while sitting in my car parked in the mall parking lot? Yup, that happened. Let's just say that I really needed a break from blogging to just kind of hide out and cope.

But I am back (for today at least) to write a little bit about infertility around the holidays. Don't think that this is going to be some post about the things you should do or shouldn't do around your infertile friends, I'm not that kind of writer. If you did want to read a decent post on the subject though, click here.

This post is more of a place for me to get some of my feelings out. You know, to tell you that it is really hard not having kids around Christmas, especially when that is all you really want.

This is our fifth Christmas since we had our first miscarriage and while I am definitely in a better place than I was back in 2010, it hasn't really gotten easier to deal with the holidays. They are still really hard.

Reasons why the holidays are hard:

1) Pretty much all of our friends and family have kids. And let's face it, Christmas is really fun when you have kids. Or at least that's what I assume. You see everything new and fresh through their eyes and you have them around to help decorate and start new traditions with. You can dress them up in cute Christmas outfits and take them to see Santa. You can do an advent calendar with them, whether it's chocolate or activities or whatever. You have them to buy presents for. Everyone loves Christmas with children around.

2) It's another big holiday that marks a point in time. Like I said, this is our fifth Christmas since we started trying to have kids. Casey and Jaimie would have been 3 1/2 for this Christmas, Dustin just turned 3 and Daylin would be celebrating for the first time. Bigger holidays serve as a reminder of how much time has passed and how far we are from reaching our goal.

3) People tend to announce pregnancies around this time of the year. Whether it's family, friends, random strangers or far away Facebook friends, someone will probably announce their pregnancy over this holiday season. It just happens that way. It's a happy time of year, family is together and it just makes sense to tell others about your exciting news. And I'm not saying they shouldn't. It just makes it a little harder for those of us who wish so badly to be able to make the same kind of announcement.

4) They just are. It's hard to get in the holiday spirit when you are feeling down and depressed. You feel left out, you feel the sting of infertility or loss even more than normal and it's hard.

So what is the point of this post? Is it written to make all of you with kids feel guilty for having them? Or for those who love this holiday time, try and keep their joy in check? Or maybe to warn those who were planning on announcing a pregnancy this Christmas season, to keep their mouths shut? NOT AT ALL! So please don't take it that way.

This post was written because I needed to write it. I know there are others out there feeling the same way or have felt the same way or will feel the same way. And for those of you who haven't, that's okay. We don't actually want others to feel the same way or understand the sting of infertility. Just try and remember that for some people, Christmas isn't a time of wonderful cheer and that they occasionally just need a hug or a note or a word of encouragement.

So there you are folks, a little piece of my mind for your Friday reading pleasure. Sorry that my come back post is kind of depressing, but it's real and that's what you have come to expect from me. At least I hope.

P.S. Next week there should be an awesome post on a new bed we may have built for ourselves, so stay tuned.


  1. This is a lovely, honest, heart-filled post, my friend. This year, even as we celebrate Lily's first Christmas and put her first ornament on the tree, I know the tears will flow when I hang our ceramic "B"--the ornament representing Blueberry and Beanster. I hope that you and Dan are finding joy in all your preparations but also allowing time to be sad when it's needed. I love you!

  2. That's a good reminder. We know a number of people who find Christmas hard for various reasons - simple poverty, serious illness, loneliness, older kids who don't stay in touch, a niece with issues like yours. Sorry you're feeling low, but I know from what you've written that you're strong too. Hope you can enjoy the holiday anyways!

  3. Your time WILL come, just be a bit more patient!

  4. You've explained it so well! ((hugs)) to you.

  5. Thanks everyone. I appreciate the support and kind words.

  6. you're frequently in my thoughts - but especially lately as you go through a tough round of holidays - again mourning life lost (your Dad, and your precious littles) and mourning a new life not here yet... ((HUGS))

  7. Love you Jennie. *virtual hug*

  8. Kate - Thank you. December is a hard month around here but this year we are handling it okay. There are good days mixed in amongst the hard.

    Cora - I love you too.