Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Pregnant? That Would Be Negative

I just got the results back from my blood work and they were negative. Which means I'm not pregnant. Our first medicated cycle didn't work.

I already knew before getting the phone call that I wasn't pregnant. I've always been an early tester and this cycle was no different. I started testing at home the end of last week and every test I took told me the same thing. Not pregnant.


I hate that single pink line and the huge gap of whiteness beside it. It's just so depressing. Not pregnant.

I'm disappointed and yet strangely, I kind of expected this. I mean, why would it have worked? That would have been just too easy. I was hopeful and yet realistic and sadly enough, I've come to expect the disappointment. Nothing has worked before, why would this cycle have been any different. As you can see, I'm in a bit of a low place right now. I'm discouraged.

I'm trying very hard to just take it one day at a time and not stress about another month of early mornings and daily appointments in Toronto. To not think about the money we'll have to put out again, in the hopes of getting pregnant but knowing full well this next cycle might not work either.

I'm just focusing on today. And today I am going to do laundry, make rice krispie squares and work on a puzzle.

7 comments:

  1. Hang in there. I'm still praying for good things to come. I know you're hurting, just hang in there!!!

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  2. Sorry this wasn't the one, Jennie. I can imagine how hard it is to look at those early mornings. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know. And what is it about jigsaw puzzles? I did the same thing - found it calming somehow.

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  3. I'm sorry. Try to stay strong. I will continue to pray for you guys that God gives you the strength to endure this journey. *Hugs*

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  4. Thinking of you and praying for you.

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  5. I've said it before but it bears saying again: you're one incredible, amazing, strong woman. You're willing to honestly share your journey with readers who care so deeply about you, being truthful even about the secondary disappointment that comes when you realized you didn't expect a happy outcome this time. You're able to ride yet another wave and come out with a spirit of resilience and hope--yes, it's in there, and I know it because I've seen it. You're able to turn your attention to something that brings you joy while also being able to reach out and ask for the support you need.

    I love you, lady. Lily sure is lucky to have her Aunt Jennie as a role model!

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  6. Katharine - Thanks. I'm hanging in, taking it one day at a time.

    Cindy - Thank you so much. And I agree about the puzzles, calming.

    artistmouse - I appreciate the prayers.

    Kate - Thanks.

    Jalyn - Thank you.

    Tory - You are too sweet. I love you so much and appreciate your words of encouragement.

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