Tuesday, June 30, 2015

2015 Goals: Progress Report #2

Time for another goal check-in!

1. Take a CPR/First Aid course Done! I had to take one for my volunteer work and I really enjoyed it.
2. Put $2,000 extra on the mortgage
3. Read 30 books I've read 27, which is a huge jump from 3 at the end of March. Go me!
4. Go on a canoe camping trip Not yet, but it is booked for the middle of July
5. Run my 3rd 5k I haven't even started running yet...
6. Take a class (such as pottery, dancing, etc) with Dan We just completed a West Coast Swing dance class and loved it so much, we've signed up for another!
7. Finish bedroom makeover Not done yet but the furniture is!
8. Fix flower gardens I still have 2 left to deal with but I'm waiting until next Spring to tackle them. I did 4 huge ones though, so I'm calling this done for this year.
9. Build back patio
10. Read a Shakespeare book
11. Clean out car
12. Get wedding and engagement rings soldered together We have found a place who will do it, but are still contemplating whether we want to go ahead and do it or not.
13. Learn to knit mittens
14. Get a membership at a library Done!
15. Practice piano once a week Definitely not doing this faithfully, I need to step up my game.

I'm still a little slow on the get go but I'm hoping that by my next check-in I'll be able to cross more off. I finished 3 more over the last three months and have made good progress with some others. I'm also aware that some of these won't get done this year, but that's okay. 

How is everyone else doing with their goals? Vicky, I know you made some!

Monday, June 29, 2015

New Dresser!

So remember how we have been building our own bedroom furniture? We started with the bed and are totally in love with how it turned out. Then we moved on to the side tables and were thrilled with how they tied into the bed, while adding a level of brightness to the room with the white paint. Next up, the dresser! Except for this one didn't go quite as quickly as the previous items of furniture. As in, we were living with this dresser set up for quite some time. Even after the room was finished being painted and we moved the bed back in, our clothes stayed in the other room on the futon for 3 more months. Talk about inconvenient.

We finally finished the dresser the beginning of June and have been enjoying it ever since.

Our problem with the dresser came from not having much time to work on it. Whenever I say "we" worked on the dresser or "we" made the furniture, I'm really saying Dan. He was the brains behind the operation and he did 99.9% of the work as well. He has been crazy busy with work the last 6 months so he didn't have a lot of free time to spend on the dresser. But slowly, very slowly, it came together. (Excuse the crappy iPhone pics)

We didn't realize how incredibly huge it was until we maneuvered it into our bedroom. And then the real size hit us. IT IS HUGE! But there was nothing we could do about it at this point, unless we wanted to start over again, which we didn't. So we just have a huge dresser.

I did help considerably with the painting, which was my contribution to the project. And I kept him company while building the rest of it. That is why I still feel comfortable saying "we" built it.

The drawers are huge and fit all of our clothing easily. With our old set, we used two dressers to fit all of our clothes but were hoping to go down to one dresser with this new set. The plan was to get rid of clothes but instead, we just built a bigger dresser. I still want to go through everything though and minimize.

We used these plans for the Madison Dresser from Ana White's blog and then tweaked them to suit us. That's the way we like to roll, use plans for guidelines only.

The bedroom is really coming together and I love the flow of the furniture with the colours of the wall and bedspread. Basically, I'm totally in love with how things are looking so far. We are still a little ways from completion but we are making good and steady progress. Next up, some decorating!

What do you think of our dresser? Do you love it?

Friday, June 26, 2015

Infertility Is A Bitch

I'm having a hard time lately. Like I mentioned in my last post, the 5 year mark of trying has hit me really hard. As in, I all of a sudden feel in a panic to get a baby. I don't want to wait an indefinite amount of time before it's my turn. I want one now. Heck, if I'm being really honest, I wanted one yesterday. Or 5 years ago.

I hate how infertility steals so much from me. It steals a lot of joy from life. It's hard to be patient and content in ones circumstances when they aren't the circumstances I was planning for. It's hard to remain hopeful when nothing has ever worked. It's hard to be happy for others when my heart is breaking inside. 

I've also been dealing with feelings of guilt lately. It's my body that is failing us. It's my eggs that seem to have issues. It's my uterus that can't seem to hang on to a pregnancy. It's my emotions that are off the wall. It's all my fault. Which I know isn't entirely true. And I know no one is blaming me. But it's how I've been feeling nonetheless.

The wait is absolutely killing me today. Five years feels like too long to wait. And another five may kill me. In fact, another year may do it. How much more can I emotionally take? What will be my breaking point? When will I say "enough is enough"? When should we give up? 

Everything is too much today. I can't handle today.

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Update On The Uterus

It's still empty. Our "hail mary" cycle didn't work and we did not get pregnant. I felt like the cycle went really well and that I responded well to the meds, which got my hopes up really high. By the time I could start testing at home, I had myself convinced that it had worked and I was pregnant. So when I discovered that it hadn't worked, I was crushed. I took this unsuccessful cycle really hard. As in, I ate a bajillion cookies, cried a lot and watched Friends for a few days straight.

Another reason why I took this failed cycle so hard, was that it was the last chance at getting pregnant before we hit the 5 year mark of trying. We started trying in June 2010 and here we are, five years later, still with empty arms. It hurts so much. I can't even really explain how much it hurts. Unless you have been here, you cannot know.

So since I have done such a good job at over sharing our journey up to this point, I thought you only deserved to know what is going on. We are currently on a treatment break for the summer and are taking these three months to enjoy each other, enjoy the nice weather and do some serious thinking on what our next steps should be. I will continue to update you guys as I feel comfortable doing so, but in the meantime, we appreciate all thoughts and prayers sent our way! And if anyone sends cookies, I'd appreciate those too.