Friday, June 26, 2015

Infertility Is A Bitch

I'm having a hard time lately. Like I mentioned in my last post, the 5 year mark of trying has hit me really hard. As in, I all of a sudden feel in a panic to get a baby. I don't want to wait an indefinite amount of time before it's my turn. I want one now. Heck, if I'm being really honest, I wanted one yesterday. Or 5 years ago.

I hate how infertility steals so much from me. It steals a lot of joy from life. It's hard to be patient and content in ones circumstances when they aren't the circumstances I was planning for. It's hard to remain hopeful when nothing has ever worked. It's hard to be happy for others when my heart is breaking inside. 

I've also been dealing with feelings of guilt lately. It's my body that is failing us. It's my eggs that seem to have issues. It's my uterus that can't seem to hang on to a pregnancy. It's my emotions that are off the wall. It's all my fault. Which I know isn't entirely true. And I know no one is blaming me. But it's how I've been feeling nonetheless.

The wait is absolutely killing me today. Five years feels like too long to wait. And another five may kill me. In fact, another year may do it. How much more can I emotionally take? What will be my breaking point? When will I say "enough is enough"? When should we give up? 

Everything is too much today. I can't handle today.

6 comments:

  1. Im sorry it is so rough Jennie. Infertility is a horrible thing. I have faith that one day things will be better for you. Just get through today!! <3

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  2. Jenn,I am so sorry for everything you are going through. A cliche I know ,but one day at a time. I watched my sister go through the same thing. Her 19 year old son is going off to college in the fall so keep the faith!

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  3. Just sending my love and BIG (((HUGS)))).

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  4. I'm so far behind and I wish I had seen this earlier. Huge, huge HUGS, my friend. I wish there was more I could do.

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