I have waited so long to be able to write this post, but now that the moment is actually here, I'm not sure what to write.
Guys, I'm pregnant.
The feelings that I'm currently experiencing are all over the place. Shock, excitement, nervousness, they are all there.
We were totally not expecting this and if you had talked to me in private at all this week, you would know that. Every month that we have ever tried to get pregnant, I always test early. Like, crazy early. So this month was no different and at 11dpo (days past ovulation), I tested. Which of course was negative. It slightly crushed my spirits since I have gotten a positive test at 11dpo before, but I tried to remind myself that it was early and could still change.
I waited two days and tested again at 13dpo, knowing that this would give me the true answer. I usually only have a 13 day luteal phase (when not on progesterone) so I figured testing at 13dpo would be pretty accurate. It was negative.
I was devastated. I could not believe that this cycle was a bust and my heart literally hurt. This was our last go and it didn't work. This was the end.
I went for my beta draw (pregnancy blood test) on Wednesday with a cloud over my head and tears in my eyes. And on the way home I did what any sane person in my situation would do, stopped for supplies.
I returned home and crashed on the couch with yoga pants, junk food and a funny movie. I planned to stay there forever. Or at least the rest of the week. I was giving myself the week to wallow and then would pick myself up next week.
Yesterday I got the dreaded phone call from the nurse telling me that the blood test results were negative. Or at least that's what I assumed the phone call would say. But instead, she cheerfully told me that my numbers were low and I would need to go back for a redraw. WHAT!?!?!? I was seriously shocked. I was 100% sure that this cycle had failed. But nope, she was telling me that I was pregnant.
For those that speak this language, my beta was 12 at 14dpo. I know that the number is low but the only important thing is doubling, so I am hoping that we just have a late implanter on our hands and everything will turn out fine. For those that don't, it just means that I'm barely pregnant. I will get another beta draw today and that number should double (be around 24), which will tell us that this pregnancy is progressing well so far. Unfortunately, I won't get the results from today's test until Monday. Ugh, longest weekend ever.
Dan and I celebrated last night with rhubarb juice. It was a leftover bottle from my sisters wedding that I was saving for this exact occasion.
So that has been the crazy whirlwind of the past 24 hours.
I'm only about 4 weeks pregnant but I knew that I wanted to share with you all because this baby exists and is loved and we are over the moon excited about s/he. No matter what the outcome of this pregnancy is, whether it ends in miscarriage in a few weeks or a baby in 9 months, it deserves to be celebrated. So please join us in cautious excitement and pray/send good vibes that this is our rainbow baby and this pregnancy moves forward as it should. Because I'M PREGNANT!!!
To all my readers who are currently still in the waiting period of infertility, please know that I am thinking of you and feel for you and know how much pregnancy announcements hurt. If you need to take a step back from my blog, I totally understand. But I do promise that this blog will not turn into a baby blog and I will do my best not to flaunt this pregnancy. Updates here will be kept to a minimum and I plan on starting a separate blog for baby related stuff if we actually make it past our loss milestones.
So on that happy note, I will get back to testing incessantly and trying to distract myself from having to wait so long to find out what the next bloodwork results are.
Happy weekend everyone!