Wednesday, November 25, 2015

"Project Me"

On Monday in my working out post I shared that joining a gym was part of a whole project that I was working on and promised to share more about it with you later this week. Well guess what? It's later this week!

This project has been in the works for a little while now and over the last month and a bit I've been brainstorming ideas and starting lists. When I was pretty sure that our last cycle was a bust, I sat down and finalized my plans. Except for then me being pregnant happened and everything was put on pause for a bit, first because I was pregnant and second because I was having wallow week. But my brain was still working and I put some things into motion.

I decided to call this project "Project Me" because it pretty much only focuses on me. Which I'm aware is kind of selfish and self centered, but I don't care. After five years of infertility and loss and especially after this past year of treatments, it's time to focus on me. My goal through all of this is self care and helping me feel healthier and better about myself. Like I said, all about me.

There are so many things I haven't done lately because I was feeling sick from medication or because I might get pregnant or because my arms were too weak from blood draws or because I was too depressed and discouraged. I have decided that it is now time to take my life back! And it all starts with "Project Me".

"Project Me"
1) Work Out
As most of you know, every summer I take up running and actually sort of enjoy it for the few months I do it. But that is basically where all forms of exercise end for me, with my summer running. Winter is too cold and dreary out to encourage me to do much and I'm really not self motivated enough to work out at home with videos. I'm just too lazy. But I'm also aware that exercise is good for me in many ways and I want to benefit from it. I want to feel healthier and stronger and happier, but I also want to have a better love for my body. I don't necessarily hate my body but I do have a bone to pick with it. It has failed me in doing what it is supposed to do. Having a baby is what it was designed to do and it can't even do that. It has let me down and I sometimes often feel like I'm broken. I want to feel good about my body and see what it can do, instead of focusing on what it can't do. So that is why I have joined a gym, to work out and gain strength and feel pride when it comes to my body instead of anger and disappointment. To be happier and healthier and all together better.

2) Counselling 
My mind is also an important part of me and I want to work on taking care of it as well. As we end this journey of trying to get pregnant, I have so many thoughts whirling around in there and I want to work through them and grieve properly. I want to come to terms with stopping and I want to work on all the feelings that come with it. Not to mention the bitterness and anger that I deal with almost daily. I have tried counselling in the past and it has never really gone well, but I plan on giving it one more shot. This counsellor that I am lined up to see specializes in infertility and is connected to a fertility clinic. I'm hoping that if she has experience in the area, it might go better. We'll see, but I'm giving it one more try.

3) Nutrition
You are what you eat. Right? If that's true, I should be a big cookie by now. Which is why I want to focus more on eating better. I've super slacked over the last year because I had to make myself feel better with each failed cycle or pregnancy announcement. I am very aware that I feel better when I eat better, so it is something that I plan on working on. It is definitely an ongoing battle but I am making an effort and that is what counts. I haven't bought chips and cookies the last two times I went grocery shopping which I am totally considering a win. It also helps that I have a nutritionist sister who can give me tips and advice and cheer me on in my quest!

Those are the main points that I am working on but there are other little things that I am trying to add in to the project, like washing my face every night, showering and shaving more regularly, putting on real clothes (as I sit here in yoga pants), finding new ways to do my hair, buying cute boots, etc. Basically, I just add what I want to the list as time goes on. As long as they are doable things that make me feel better, they get added.

So there you have it, my newest project that is going well so far. It helps to have something to focus on, other than my infertility and I'm hoping it will help me feel better in the long run. Wish me luck!


  1. That sounds like a good plan of action Jennie. Wishing you luck and thinking of you often!

    1. Thanks Jackie! Here's to hoping I stick to the plan of action!

  2. Dear big cookie sister, your project is awesome and I admire you, once again!!