This week is Canadian Infertility Awareness Week and I am going to do my best to write up some posts that can help raise awareness for this disease that is so close to my heart.
Because infertility matters.
Raising awareness matters.
My experience matters.
Infertility isn't something that I ever planned to go through, in fact, I desperately hoped I would never have to go through it. I remember when I was younger, I would lie in bed and think "What if I can't get pregnant?". I'm not sure if this is a normal thought for children to have, but it was one that ran through my head more frequently than I think it should have. As I helped my mom with household chores, I would complain about them and she would say "One day you will do this with your daughter" and I would wonder what would happen if I never had a daughter. It was a fear of mine, one that was voiced as I got older and started dating Dan. I would ask him, "What if we can't get pregnant?" and he of course comforted me saying that we would and we would have lots of children. I don't blame him one bit for saying that, because who would have thought our journey would be so far from that truth. No one thinks they are going to experience infertility. No one thinks two young healthy people are going to have to fight so hard to start a family.
Looking back, I wonder if these thoughts were some sort of forewarning and I should have heeded them more. Maybe they were preparing me in some way for the possibility of infertility. But then again, nothing can ever really prepare you for this journey. Until you walk it yourself, you can never truly understand what it is like or how it feels. Infertility cuts you to the very core of your being. Infertility changes you.
We have been trying to have a child for almost six years now. I never would have thought that this would be my story to tell, that I would be comforting other people who are on this journey, that I would ever be strong enough to help others instead of being at the bottom of the pit myself. Don't get me wrong though, I am still down in that pit on occasion, still screaming and stomping and asking why. Because no matter how much time goes by and how much parts of me have healed, one thing is for certain, I still don't know why I have had to go through this. The injustice of it still eats me up on most days. I still ask myself often why other people get babies and we don't. I just don't get it.
Infertility is a huge part of me and always will be, no matter what the future holds for us. Infertility is a huge part of many people, some you know of and others you are unaware of. Infertility is a huge presence in our current day and it is important to raise awareness of this disease.
Because it's time.