Once again, we got pregnant on the first try. As soon as I saw those two pink lines, the nerves started to rise. But, I tried to stay positive. I took up the motto "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby" and tried to make it through each day without freaking out too much. The days crawled by and slowly turned into weeks. Everything seemed to be going fine, just like the first time. As I neared the 8 week mark I started to get more and more concerned but tried to remain calm. I had an ultrasound scheduled for February 10 and was praying that we would see a heartbeat.
February 10th finally arrived. My appointment was at 4:00pm so that Dan could come to it. I headed off to work, just like any other day. At 8:35am, I thought I felt like I was bleeding. Trying not to worry, I headed to the bathroom. Sure enough, there was blood. Not a lot of it but enough to completely freak me out. I called my Dr. and asked if there was any way to move ahead my ultrasound. I got it moved to 9:30 and rushed there by myself, expecting to hear the worst. The tech was amazing and tried to calm me down. I was shaking at this point and terrified to look at the screen. But, our little miracle was there with a healthy heartbeat and measuring right on time. I headed home relieved and put my feet up. The bleeding tapered off to basically a stop by late afternoon.
I looked up on the internet and talked to my mom and a friend who had both had bleeding during pregnancy and still had their take home baby. I tried to calm myself down and remain optimistic for this little life growing inside of me.
The next day I headed off to work again. And again, at 8:35am, I felt like I was bleeding. I rushed to the bathroom to find a lot of blood. I have never seen so much blood in my life. I finally made it back out of the bathroom and collapsed on the floor. My boss was amazing and helped me to the couch. She called Dan and tried to figure out how serious the situation really was. She stayed right beside me and held my hand until Dan got there. We ended up calling the ambulance and I was rushed to the ER.
Once in a bed, the ER Dr brought in the little portable ultrasound machine to see if she could detect a heartbeat. I was determined that our baby could not have survived the blood loss. But to our amazement, there was a little heartbeat flickering away.
I was kept in the ER for 10 hours that day to be monitored. I had low blood pressure and ended up passing out while in the bathroom. It was an eventful day of stress. At 4:00pm, I was wheeled away to get a proper ultrasound done. Once again, our little fighter was still there with a strong heartbeat. We couldn't believe it. The tech said there was a lot of blood in the uterus that shouldn't be there but for now, our baby was holding on.
At 8:00pm they finally sent me home with a "threatened miscarriage". The bleeding had slowed down, my cervix was still closed, and our baby still had a heartbeat. I was told to take it easy.
I then spent the next week worrying and stressing and wondering if our baby was still alive. My follow up ultrasound was scheduled for the following Friday which felt like forever to arrive.
On Friday, February 18, 2011, I went in for another ultrasound. The tech was very kind but couldn't find a heartbeat. We had lost another baby at 8 1/2 weeks. I had a D&C the following Thursday as my body once again didn't recognize that the baby had died.
We named this baby Dustin which means "valiant warrior". It seemed fitting for our strong little baby who had held on so long.